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Plus ça change, plus c’est la meme chose. Duh.



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The evolution of... us.   

 

 

 

The evolution of... us.

Naturally, when I can hear Panic! At the Disco as clearly out of my daughter’s headphones as I can as if it were coming out of the CD player speakers, I turn around and nudge her –

All right, rewind (hey, rewind – that suits our topic – back to that later) since this IS a blog about reality, I’ll tell you “the reality.

First, I will hopelessly raise my voice, even though the “any reasonable person” test would fail. Duh. Why would I even think she could hear me?

Then, despite oncoming traffic, and my meager driving skills, (having spent WAY too much time in NYC, where a car is actually a burden, unless you’re my grandmother, and you have a summer place AND a suburban house – oh, wait, she had drivers, too, scratch that – back to the fact that I SUCK at driving)  I will turn around and raise my voice again, in the incredibly stupid hope that the louder I am, the better she will be able to read my lips.

This is fruitless, because she is not only rocking out, but also poring over the densely-packed Panic! At the Disco lyrics I printed out for her from the Internet before we left, so she’s bobbing her downturned head.

Is her little sister helping me out, with a nudge, or a shove? No. She is observing, amused, because SHE is intelligent enough to see the futility of my behavior, but not the danger — until I turn back to face the windshield and turn the wheel back so that we’re back on OUR side of the highway, thank you very much.

“Mom!” they join in chorus as the van whips them both suddenly sideways.

“Ah,” I say smugly. NOW I have their attention. And: enough with the volume. Turn it down or go deaf.

Personally? I feel completely hypocritical.

I myself blasted music in my own ears as a kid.

No headphones in MY house, though. Headphones were inherently rude. Want to sequester yourself from the family? You’ve got a room for that, dear.

So I’d go. I’d face the speakers toward each other, with room just enough for my head, lie down between them, play my music as loudly as possible without disturbing everyone else in the house, and achieve maximum eardrum damage at the same time.

When CDs first came out, I remember hearing someone tell someone else in our house: “I’M not going to replace my record collection. These compact discs are just going to be fad, like 8-Tracks or Betamaxes.” (Always a lurking observer; like “Harriet the Spy,” I was always listening, and if I was not heard, I was seldom seen, even in plain sight.)

A comment all but forgotten until I stumbled upon a very old cassette (it was Junk Week in our neighborhood) of Jesus Christ Superstar. Thinking my daughter, who is obsessed with Andrew Lloyd Webber (why, heaven only knows; I really have to turn her on to Puccini, from whom the man steals everything), would be interested, I scrounged up a cassette player somewhere and pressed PLAY.

What a tremendous drag, having to rewind and fast-forward to the spot you want to hear!

My youngest was baffled at the clunkiness of the technology, repeatedly asking me: “What… what are you DOING, Mom? Can’t you just FIND it?”

As if she didn’t remember me having to rewind all her “Big Comfy Couch” VCR tapes.

Change is frightening when it comes barging rudely into our lives. We, in this age of technology, are constantly being thrown new ideas, and having to catch them or feel bypassed.

Even TV commercials mock us: “26 million people just Twittered this. Another 26 million don’t know what that means.”

My daughter begged me for an EnV phone, with a keyboard for texting. At the time, I thought it was a ridiculous splurge. Now she texts me so often I want one myself, just to keep up. People text me more than they talk to me.

“Google” is now a verb. MS Word has destroyed my spelling skills, because my brain works like this: if I don’t HAVE to store it, it gets dumped, to make room. Now I know I can Google something, or have Word spell it for me, or my little calculator do math for me.

When my Internet goes out, I’m lost.

But when I first got online, I couldn’t imagine what I’d ever do with it.

Now I can’t live without it. Well, okay, I could. But I sure would miss it.

Still, as different as all this seems: what’s really different?

I use Google the same way I used to call the reference desk at my local library.

I use MS Word the same way I used to use my College dictionary.

I use Twitter the same way I use the world: I’m gregarious to the point of ridiculous; I can hardly leave the house without making a friend, and my house is usually full of people to the point where I wonder sometimes if I’m a magnet and they’re all iron filings.

In a good way.

The French have a saying. (Actually, practically the entire language is sayings; it’s mostly the reason they’d just rather speak your damn English.)

Plus ça change, plus c’est la meme chose.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Hmmm….

But things DO change. And if you’re looking for a very good, commonsense approach to dealing with change, here’s an excellent article on The Huffington Post from a correspondent/acquaintance of mine: Tom V. Morris – from Twitter, of course.

But remember: they stay the same, too. So relax. 

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I am SO funny.



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retro_momMy older daughter, on the cusp of thirteen, possesses a rapier wit that I brag about the way some other mothers brag about their offsprings’ report cards. (An A? What’s an A compared to a keen-edged sword of sarcasm? I mean, really? Which will get you further in life? An A might land you a great job, so you can buy all the Starbucks coffee you want, but being funny will make people buy coffee FOR you. And, for the record, the kid’s running straight As ALSO, nice bonus.)

But she was pissed at me tonight and hurled the worst insult at me she possibly could:

“You know, Mom, you’re not really that funny.”

I was shocked – shocked, I tell you, shocked. Just like that Captain Renault in Casablanca, only really.

“Whaddya mean, I’m not funny? I’m PLENTY funny!” Probably the lamest comeback ever, proving her point. She nailed said point home with a look over the top of her glasses: glasses, I might add, she chose because they LOOKED JUST LIKE MINE!

I think.

“My BLOG is funny.”

I recalled the other night, her lanky, thin frame curled up on the futon four feet from my computer. “Mom?” she said, in a little girl voice, “Instead of a bedtime story, could you read me some of your cynical thoughts on everything that’s good in life?”

Hilarious, I thought, but I DID read to her from the blog. AND SHE LAUGHED!

Well. It turns out that Little Miss Still-Hasn’t-Got-Her-Period-Yet-This-Is-The-Longest-Case-Of-PMS-On-Record has “Issues On Her Mind” THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, MOM! THEY ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS AND I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THEM, ohKAY?

oo…kay….

No. NOT okay. Would I take this from an adult? No, I would not.

“You know,” I said, putting my foot down. On the brake. (We were in the car.) “I’m not just ‘The Mom.’ I’m an actual person, with actual feelings, here.”

This worked about as well as: “You know: I’m not your Mom. I’m really a vampire with a soul, sent here by Warner Brothers Television to film a Reality TV show to observe how you deal with it.”

I could see the idea of her own mother being a real, live, flesh-and-blood human being pinballing around in her head, banging and pinging and making those cartoon noises, till finally she went “TILT.”

No, really, she really tilted her head in denial of the concept.

astromomI remembered. Mothers can’t be human beings. It’s just not possible, not allowed; it would turn the whole universe into a huge, sucking black hole – worse than middle school already is. Mothers can’t be cool, they can’t be funny, they can’t be – oh, ew, gross – sexy, and they sure as hell can’t have any feelings.

Because who the hell else are you going to tear the ass off of when one of your friends rips the heart out of you? Who else is going to take all your bullshit and love you anyway, despite the worst bitchfest you might ever throw?

Mom is.

And now tell me: how the hell is someone supposed to do all that if she’s HUMAN? Get real. Have some common sense, people. 

At least until they grow up. Then they find a good therapist. Now THERE’S a bunch that’s not allowed to be human. But don’t get me started on that.

My old shrink was hilarious.

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